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Do you ever look at young 20-somethings with resentment due to their youthfulness?
Do you refer to your teens as “the good old days” even though your first phone was a Nokia 3310 and straighteners hadn’t even been invented (but crimpers had!)?
Have you forgotten what it was like to be young and carefree and now your life is full of bills and work, work, work?
Because, well, same!
Here are some tell-tale signs that you’re over the age of thirty. Feel free to tick them off as you go and give yourself a score at the end…
You need coffee in order to function
Springing out of bed is a thing of the past and no-one, and I mean no-one, should come within a ten-foot radius of you until you’ve had that first, necessary sip of coffee. Well, unless they live their life dangerously.
You’ve tried every diet at least once
Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge, SlimFast… you’ve tried them all or at least considered them. You whimper at the thought of having to weigh an apple and you have flashbacks to liquidised meals whenever you hear a blender at work.
Everything is heading south
Everything! Even your earlobes appear different nowadays, let alone your traitorous boobs.
A cosy night in seems far more appealing
When you’re at work and someone suggests after-work drinks on a Friday, you can’t imagine anything worse. Gone are the days when you’d party till 3am in a nightclub and finish it off with a kebab on the way home.
A bottle of vino from the corner shop teamed with a Netflix documentary is certainly the better option now. Oh, and being tucked up in bed by 9:30pm on a Friday night is a cheeky win!
You cringe when you hear of dating antics
Smooching a stranger in a club? Meeting up with a Tinder date for a one-night-stand? Selfies with a DJ in the hopes he slides into your DMs? Good grief! No thanks! This seems like far too much effort.
You ache! Everywhere and always!
You hear creaks and cracks whenever you turn to put your cuppa down. You run the risk of not getting back up again when you bend to tie your shoelaces. Your neck gets stiff if your pillow has been too soft. You feel aches and pains in random parts of your body and you think, “This is it! This is the end!” before it disappears and then pops up somewhere else half an hour later.
Your miracle creams are not working miracles
You spend so much money on lotions and potions that are going to lift your face or make your wrinkles disappear. Each product is getting more and more expensive but your wrinkles are getting more and more prominent… you’re even considering botox and lip fillers but you have a fear of looking like a cartoon character… What to do, what to do?
Finding a plain t-shirt seems like mission impossible
Ahh, a trip to Primark for a couple of cheap tees is like playing Russian Roulette. You find a couple that you like for work, only to get them home and see that they have words like “Cute” or “Kiss Me” printed on them. Definitely not suitable for the office!
Who are these people??
Gone are the days of celebs being the people from Corrie or The X Factor. Celebs are now those with the most followers on YouTube and Instagram and you don’t have the time to sit and watch a tutorial about how to highlight your cheekbones or contour your abs so you’re forever asking, “Who is that then?”
Am I too old for TikTok?
Ahh, this is the “in thing” right now and you know the kids are raving about it… but you’ve also seen some adults trying it out. You’re probably wondering if it’s worth downloading yourself. It’s funny to see people you know lip-syncing at first…then it sort of loses its hilarity. It might be worth leaving this one to the kids.
You’re starting to get fussy
You’ve lived your life being laid back and enjoying things without a care in the world. Now, you’re fuming if you’ve spent £3.10 on a latte that doesn’t taste anything like the one you had in Costa.
You may even tailor orders when you go for something to eat: “Can I swap the chips for the jacket potato and can you make sure my bun is lightly toasted please? Only slightly, though. Then, can I have the lettuce on top of the tomato, not the other way around – I don’t want soggy lettuce… Oh, and no onions. Thank you!”
You love a bargain
Now, we’re not talking a 30% sale in New Look or Next. No, no, we’re talking a full on food shopping bargain. Youngsters may be mortified being caught in Aldi or Lidl but they’re not the ones doubling their food bill had they shopped at Tesco or Asda. Snackrite crisps taste exactly the same as Walkers, honest!
So, what do you think? Did you score 100% after agreeing with these points? Did you not agree with any of them? Are you still feeling in the prime of your youth?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and feel free to add any other points that you may have that are clear tell-tale signs that you’re over 30.
Lots of Love to you and your creaky bones,
Loula Bella xoxo